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Awakening Academy & Learning Center

A 4-Tier corporation created to "awaken" your God-given talents:

Spiritual , educational, vocational and personal services for individuals,

families, corporations, schools and churches. We are your private coach to

develop skills, self-esteem, creativity. We offer trainings, workshops, etc.

HAVING THE LAST SAY!

December 2021

Happy holidays everyone. God's blessings and safety over each and every one of you and your families.


December is a perfect time to look back at the year, reflect on your accomplishments, and identify those areas that you may have fallen short in. The last one is just as important and valuable as the others. Looking at what we may want to improve in has more value because it requires a forward motion, it states that we are willing to see the negative and not just the positive, and it provides a path for us to travel on in order for our future to look more hopeful. It means that we are ready to conquer new territory. Since January is the typical month where people make new year resolutions, what we will be doing in this blog is looking at a different kind of resolution: conflict resolution.

This blog will be a fun blog to read and one that will put you in a position to have the last say when facing conflicts with others. It will require work because you will have to fight against handling things (and saying things!) that you are used to doing and saying, but that is the biggest demand and effort that you will be exercising. Painless!

I will list the four steps to resolving conflicts, then I will explain how to apply them. Then....it is up to you to practice it -- as often as possible until it becomes a natural habit. While in a conflict with someone else, remember:


1. It is never about right or wrong

2. To stick to the issue

3. To leave the personal out of it

4. To remain calm and quiet!


During a conflict, there are differences of opinions, disagreements, or even having to ask someone to do something that they don't want to do. I will keep my examples simple. But the same four steps can be applied in a work environment, in personal relationships -- siblings, spouse, or anyone.


1. It is never about right or wrong.


There are basically no situations that are firmly about someone being totally right or someone being totally wrong. My suggestion is to throw that way of looking at things permanently in the trash. Think about it, if you are right about something and someone is disputing it, understand that you are telling that person that they are wrong. Emotionally, someone may want to resist the concept of being wrong or become defensive. This feeds the fire that has already started.

Being wrong is not a comfortable position to be in. Also, think about it from a different perspective. How are you going to prove that you are totally right? What proof do you have? Math is about the only subject that has an absolute right and wrong answer. There are grey areas in being human. There is also a long line of variances in being human. Right and wrong are absolutes, and it is best to move away from the absolutes in your thinking and recognizing the value of the variances. Those variances refer to different ways of looking at things, respecting opinions, thoughts, different perspectives, individuality, etc.


2. Stick to the Issue


Sticking to the issue refers to not moving from what the conflict is about. If the conflict or disagreement is about who is supposed to handle a task, do not move away from that topic. Bringing up who did it the last time is not sticking to the issue. It serves no purpose and is counter-productive. If another person wants to deviate away from the issue of doing the task, anticipate it! Then repeat the issue -- who is going to handle it? You may have to repeat it quite a few times and move them back to the topic.

Remind yourself that you are trying out this strategy, and do not expect that you will be perfect with it. It will require your thought processes to work a little harder! You will be intentionally reminding yourself of the four steps, and all four steps you will be implementing throughout the entire session. Stand strong! Encourage yourself! Do not go back to arguing or getting off the issue. Stick to the issue; take deep breaths; smile; remain calm; and only state what the issue is and what you and that person are supposed to be discussing -- who will handle the task.


3. Keep the personal out of it


This goes hand-in-hand with the issue being discussed. It is not about your personality or the other person's personality. So what if they always try to finagle their way out of doing it. If that is a concern, then the discussion is over. Let them know that they will do it this time. When you get a revelation, light bulb affect that this thing works, immediately make the statement: "cool, that was easy or wow, this didn't turn into a long discussion or glad we got that settled" put up the fist bump or high-five sign, turn around and walk away!

It is easy to fall into the trap of reminding them of the 'past' and what they may or may not have done, or how wrong they may have been. All this must be avoided. This is where the battle will rise within you. You have to resist the temptation to bring any of this up. These are four simple steps, but they are difficult to apply because they are going against what you have a habit of doing. It is important not to bring up how lazy or sloppy they are, or any personality characteristics. It is only about getting something accomplished.


4. Remain cool and quiet


This may be the most difficult step for some people. In having the last say, it means to have the least to say and it will get the attention from the other person. Although some people are naturally argumentative and love to debate, after awhile they will recognize that it is difficult to win an argument when they are arguing against themselves. Keep in mind that the other person will probably violate every one of these four rules. If they talk about your personality (#3 above), you job is to remind yourself of what you are striving for...a way to resolve the issue. Their statement may even hurt. Know and understand that this is exactly why this blog. Throwing darts at one another serves no productive or positive purpose and will not solve the issue.


Readers, although the steps are quite simple, the application of them is not. You will have to deliberately plan your strategy to incorporating them. You know the person you bicker with the most and you know usually what the bickering is about. This will probably be the perfect testing place. Rehearse, remind, and repeat these steps over and over again every chance you get because you may not be able to see immediately how well it is working. As you go through the struggle of not engaging in your usual dialog, you should be internally smiling because you have entered into a self-inflicted challenge and a self-induced relationship builder. You are focusing on what is important and discarding what is not important.


Until next month..... strive to have the last say in your conflicts with others!


The Spiritual Surgeon


Disclaimer:

The information located on “From the Desk of...” was prepared by the creator and author of the web page and the owner of Awakening Academy & Learning Center. The blogs are based on personal opinions, thoughts and experiences, and are not a reflection of any third party’s views or opinions. The purpose of “From the Desk of...” is to share and, hopefully, educate. It should not be considered as a directive or an order.